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FUCKKKK YOUUUU! (Valentine McKee* style).




*Valentine McKee is the character played by Kevin Bacon in the movie Tremors.

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He's pretty.

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I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

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I can't help but wonder how I would have turned out if I hadn't left Japan, or if I hadn't set my standards so low. Would I be more committed (in mind) to working at my degree? Would I even set my career goal higher than a vet tech or a nurse? Would I actually sit and study more than I did in my first semester and better than my second semester where I sat around staring into space? High school had me taking the easy way out, because everything about it was the easy way out. I hadn't needed to really apply myself for anything.

But it wasn't just work and the way I was that dragged me behind. It was my father. His death changed my life in more ways than one. And now when I have a question, who will I ask for the answer? Who is going to tell me, no, I can't move out, no, I can't pierce my septum, no, I can't get a tattoo?

Where is that camping spot that I now call heaven? Where was it?

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